Then I tried a more aggressive approach like punching it in the face, proving that I was stronger than this creepy stalker.
Well, with every punch, fear grew stronger.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ignore it and failed miserably when I fought with it.
As a devoted seeker of life, I am someone who is willing to experience all of the possibilities life has to offer, even the uncomfortable moments.
“The job of the living is to be willing to bow down before everything that is bigger than you. And nearly everything in this world IS bigger than you.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
My recent journey with life presented 3 specific serendipitous moments for me to SEE how I needed to deal with fear.
1- Reading The Surrender Project by Michael Singer
This book tells an extraordinary story of what can happen when one decides to let go of personal preferences and simply let life call the shots. Michael Singer’s simple yet radical idea to let go of personal fears and desires and allow life to take its course is quite meaningful.
In order to attempt being in alignment with his teachings, I had to be diligent with noticing any disturbances that showed up in my mind or body that held conflicting energy. Next step was to allow it to be removed by simply leaning back into a calmer breath and energetically separating myself from the disturbance, to have a bird’s eye view. This process would clear away the tension and make space for a renewed flow to happen without resistance, providing my mind with a more optimal solution, and at the very least, it reduced the emotional charge.
“Events are meant to pass through you, not stay in your consciousness because that is such a waste of your mind. The moment you feel a disturbance, immediately work on it and let go. That is surrender, that is the purpose of my life because it is keeping me from purification and being one with God.” – Michael Singer
2- Watching the movie Defending Your Life
According to the rules of this universe, the main purpose of life on earth is to conquer your fears. It’s a fitting example of suppressing fears to the degree where you are no longer aware of how the choices you are making are being lead by your fear.
“Fear is like a giant fog, it sits on your brain and blocks everything“.
I contemplated the depth of those words. Fog blurs my perspective and affects my ability to think and concentrate. Under normal circumstances I would simply wait for the fog to lift before moving ahead. Once again I realized, as fear appears, simply sit back in the seat of self, give it a chance to remove itself, have faith that I will be able to see more clearly soon. And as I wait, do the work needed to take the next courageous step.
3- Reading The Seat of The Soul by Gary Zukav In this book, the main message Zukav stresses is the idea of a human going through a psychological and spiritual evolution. This evolution involves a shift from external power to internal power. He calls this shift Authentic Power – when the personality (externally motivated by the 5 sense) comes fully to serve the energy of its soul (internally motivated by multi-sensory field incapable of making anyone a victim).
Authentic power is directly linked to intention. “Every action, thought and feeling is motivated by an intention, and that intention is a cause that exists as one with an effect.”
I have to admit after reading his book, I was fearful of allowing any thought to even enter my mind. Of course, that was an impossible feat. So I began with observing my self talk, I mean REALLY observing my self-talk. I started noticing how my wellbeing was dependant on my external life. The right outfit to hide my weight gain, the right haircut that made me feel sexy, the right make up to cover up my aging skin. The right interaction with a person in order to ensure connection. It was on going!
My first approach was to be gentle with the fears coming up instead of giving them reason to be correct. I had to train my mind to recognize the fear, then say, “I see you, but you will not determine my authentic power.”
There you have it, my journey over the last few months. My search for understanding has lead me to having a deeper awareness and cooperation of my dance with fear.
Perhaps living courageously is noticing that fear is a protective device where you can permit it to exist and figure out how to work with it, how to grow. When you allow fear to just be present, it seems to quiet down. Then you can go about your business without wasting energy trying to push it out of your psyche.
Learning to surrender to life, one small step at time.
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