The movie is called “How Do You Know“, a romantic comedy which I know is not the most enriching style of cinema but sometimes a girl just needs a dose of lighthearted, feminine exchanges to melt her tension away. A scene in this movie captured my attention. The character played by Reese Witherspoon who fails to make the cut of the USA softball team and caught in a love triangle, walks into a therapist office with much discomfort wanting a quick resolution.
Reese: “Can I ask you just one stupid question?”
Therapist: “There’s no such thing.”
Reese: “I’m just wondering if there’s one general thing that you’ve found over the years to be generally true and in a general way that would help anyone with any situation?”
Therapist: “That’s a great question. (he pauses, then says)…Yes. I’d say, figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.”
Reese (just before she leaves the office): “Those are both really hard.”
Therapist: “Yes, but you came here, which was hard for you. And you’re leaving right away, also hard. So, you’re tougher than you think you are right now.”
Reese: “Thanks, I appreciate that.”
The statement “figure our what you want and learn to ask for it” deeply resonated with me. Many of us never succeed in this seemingly simple task. Our minds misdirect us. We frequently think we know what we want only to discover that upon achieving or receiving it that we are still not as happy as we would wish to be. At other times we know what we would like but are too afraid to ask for it, or lack the confidence and determination to keep asking for it, or seem unable to find the right way in which to ask.
If you are unhappy or dissatisfied then one of the most important things to do is to figure out what you want and then to learn how to ask for it. Doing one without the other won’t work. You can ask for anything and everything but if it is not what you really want it will not cause you to feel happy. Similarly, if you know what you want but do not learn how to ask for it you will most likely never enjoy its presence in your life.
And the fact is, you are the only one qualified to decide what is it that you really want. Others who have more experience can tell you about the unforeseen pitfalls that may arise, but you learn best through your own experiences.
Here’s where the conflict comes, when your logical mind and emotional mind are not in sync with each other. Usually your logical mind will whisper one thing and your emotional mind will scream another. This is where “pausing”, “reflecting”, “mediating” becomes important. This process allows your mind and heart to align…to bring more clarity to what you want.
Once you figured that out, the next step is to learn how to ask for it. And if you are not asking for it, then you need to know what is stopping you from doing it? This is where asking yourself questions that begin with “why” and “what” is important until there are no more why or what questions to be asked. The answers you come to will reveal what you need to learn so as to ask for what you want.
If this still feels overwhelming, before you even begin to get your logical mind and emotional mind in sync, start with looking for evidence in your life where you already figured out what you wanted and asked for it. This should remind you of the courage and strength you already have within you. That’s what I did. I needed to know that I have done this many times before. This immediately lessened my overwhelm and a hopeful light began to radiate within me.
Wishing you a PEACEFUL, PLEASANT and PLAYFUL 2018!!!