I was recently interviewed for 2 hours by a strong and determined group of women who were wanting to hear my thoughts on being a charismatic and desirable woman that attracts quality relationships.
One woman raised her hand to ask about balancing her dating life, work life and social life because she was being told she was too busy to attract love.
Can you relate to this?
Between work, family, and social obligations, there just isn’t enough time in the day to squeeze in a date. And that’s not even mentioning the added stress of dating during a pandemic with constant shifting policies on how and where people are allowed to gather while wearing masks.
It’s easy to think someone can be too overwhelmed and too busy for love, right?
I say NO! And let me tell you why.
There’s a difference between being busy and being unavailable, especially when being busy is associated with your “joi de vivre”! Let’s take me as an example. I have a vibrant, full life that has shaped me. I run 3 small businesses (one of which requires me to travel), a boyfriend, a big group of friends scattered all over the USA and Canada, and a loving family. I truly believe all of this makes me more attractive to others and more importantly more attractive to me. 😍😁
The challenge with being busy is when you’re unavailable and cannot be easily reached by other people. Your attention is divided and you have to prioritize things so your time is taken up with what’s most important right now.
So, to be busy yet available requires you to be organized, flexible and accessible.
1) Organized: You need to organize your time and priorities so that you can be available when most needed. I have a digital calendar that is color-coded for the many areas in my life. Each of my businesses has a different color and my personal time is another color. This has been a lifesaver for me because every month I will travel between 3-8 states, coaching from 1 pm-10 pm, while handling my businesses and personal life. My colorful calendar provides me with a bird’s eye view and sees what’s happening and where there is some wiggle room. This leads to my next point, being flexible!
2) Flexible: Your schedule needs to be set up so that if something comes up, you’re ok with rescheduling or missing a workout for example. Yet, honoring your commitments is key to being respected and trusted. I never said it’s not complex. Here’s the thing, life is like a dance, certain steps are necessary to follow yet there needs to be room for spontaneity to change your step and shift direction. This is where being able to discern between what can’t be changed, what can be adjusted, and what requires compromise is essential.
3) Accessible: You should be easily accessible by the people you want to date. If you don’t have a lot of free time to spare, it might also be a good idea to plan shorter dates. Being honest about your needs isn’t just a way to help balance your personal life, but also helps you have better outcomes with the dates. If they don’t reciprocate, you have to ask yourself if there is a genuine interest in you. Yes, when things are going well it is easy to be swept away by another person’s charm. However, after a few weeks of non-communication or lack of progress or action from their side – this is your cue to step back and take inventory.
Finally, if being busy means that you have to be unavailable, then stop.
Take a month or two off from dating if it’s too difficult. Go out with your friends more often instead of going on dates so you can stay in the ‘I’m available’ state of mind.
I remember taking breaks when dating felt like a duty versus a fun encounter. It was a sign that I was lacking in self-care and needed to feed my soul before being truly present for another person who deserved my undivided attention.
As a “busy” woman, I have come to realize what is more important – being available, which doesn’t mean compromising your needs all the time. It means being responsive and present. The same way you would want someone to be with you.
Be all the woman you were meant to be!
PS: If you want to learn more about being a charismatic and desirable woman, check out my [Body-Image Breakthrough Program].
PPS: If you are someone that works best with one-on-one attention, email me at [email protected] and write on the subject line Coaching with Patty.