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The key components to position yourself for a comfortable approach

By Patty |

As I told you in my previous post I want to continue talking about the best way to get involved into a conversation.

Let me give you a “free” tip by telling you how to position yourself so you can attract that positive attention you deserve.

You can work your body language like a pro, but if you’re not positioned properly, people will notice.

In ballroom dancing, positioning is crucial. I give thought to where I make each move, in front of the segment of crowd that suits me best. Once you’ve found the right spot, it’s one less thing to think about, so you can play full on, with greater results. This is called environmental positioning.

The four key components of environmental positioning are visibility, accessibility, approachability and sincerity.

1 – Visibility
In a well-lit place, sit or stand where you are noticed. While it’s important to work the whole room, get people’s attention by working the room in sections. The people you are trying to attract should be able to take you in from all angles, maybe just not all at once! This might involve changing spots throughout the evening or holding onto that one choice vantage point once you land it.
…A girlfriend and I tried this out one night in a club. We walked in, headed toward the bar and found a spot that had great access to the dance floor and passersby…

2 – Accessibility
Find a place where someone can easily get to you. While the most secluded banquette might seem like a choice spot worth tipping the host for, it might be too inaccessible for a stranger — especially if you’re surrounded by friends.
Position yourself so it’s easy to break away from your gang without the stranger feeling as if he has disrupted a private party, or that he will be grilled by everyone as he tries to talk to you. If you’re with a group or a friend, step away from them every so often to make a circuitous visit to the powder room.
…Once my friend and I sat at the bar, we made sure not to turn our backs on the dance floor. Everyone else at the bar was facing the bartender, but we sat sideways facing each other with our legs crossed towards the dance floor…

3 – Approachability
Keep your body relaxed, whether you’re standing or sitting. Clutching your purse or coat close to your chest might make it appear as though you are uncomfortable or ready to leave.

Don’t be deeply engrossed in a serious dialogue for minutes on end with your friends. Keep the banter light so that you’re laughing frequently! A gentleman wouldn’t want to interrupt a serious thinker mid-conversation. Allow for lulls where you look around, clearly checking things out.
This allows you to appear approachable to men.

Put your best face forward. That means not covering it up with your hands, sunglasses or floppy hat. And of course, smile!

In addition ladies, when circulating around a room, do chat with the women first to build a base of friends and allies. Who knows, they might turn out to know the guy you’re interested in. Or they might offer assistance when you need a safety pin later in the rest room. Joke a little and be generous with the compliments so as to defuse all cattiness and competitiveness. Eventually work men into the mix, chatting them up as you flit about.

When talking freely with both genders, use a combination of different sensual gestures, such as direct eye contact, smiling, laughing and touching (extremities only). The effect is highly alluring — men will notice and be fascinated by a confident woman who relishes in being sensual, being desired and having fun with her present situation!

…We positioned ourselves so anyone could step in and order a drink. When women tried to order, we took their order and gave it to the bartender. Then other women began to do the same, and soon we had a flood of women placing orders through us. Men began to notice, and they started to prevail upon our good graces as well. By the end of the evening, we had made friends with men, women and couples… not to mention the added bonus of getting free drinks from the bartender for helping with the overflow of his business…

4) Sincerity
Be open, patient and earnest with the new people you meet.
Don’t approach someone you’ve just met like you’re holding an interview; pummeling him with questions about a job, schooling, etc. Your interactions are not about efficiency. They ought to be rooted in sincerity, being open to wherever the moment and dialogue takes you both. Don’t let any negative experience take away from your innocent and playful outlook towards men… Have fun without being pretentious.
Remember how much courage it takes for a man to ask a woman to dance or even just to chat. So make it easy for him to have the opportunity to make the request. A man must be reassured that you’re not going to embarrass him by rejecting him rudely in front of other people.

During the research for my book, I interviewed many men and the prevailing complaint was women’s indifference and aloofness toward any approach they made. I believe that as long as men are respectful, women should be welcoming. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

…Because men noticed that we were light-hearted, friendly and outgoing, they were not uncomfortable in approaching us sitting at the bar. Men tried out some wacky lines on us that night. But we’d laugh with them at first, before using our body language (turning away, putting barriers between us, avoiding long eye contact) to show that we weren’t interested. We did the opposite when we enjoyed their company. A dance instructor for 15 years, I know how nervous men get about asking a woman to dance. And I believe that every man should have a shot at a dance if he asks with courtesy and respect…

Once you’ve positioned yourself for a comfortable approach, it’s time to move onto the more advanced secrets of sensuality.

Yours sincerely,

Patty

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